Ode to Levi

Ode to Levi Garrett:

tell me what a girl's gotta do
when all she wants is a little chew
i bet you'd never encounter a problem like mine
if you were below the mason-dixon line

5 highway exits, 5 blank stares
it seems no one sells you anywheres
i ask for you by name, people look at me perplexed
for not carrying you, the north ought to be hexed.

one man offered me bandits, twas insulting at large
i left with despair, free of charge
but give up, i would not, i was determined and bound
to hit up every 7-11 and exxon around

i guess 6th time's the charm when it comes to chew
so persistence is needed if you're to get through
i wonder, mr. garrett, if you were here today
upon hearing this offense, what you would say

you'd probably say "stay in texas, you stupid fool"
anyone who doesn't sell me should be considered a tool
so if you take a road trip up north, don't leave it to chance
you'd better plan ahead and order online in advance