My October 23, 2008

The Perfect Metaphor

To me, naps are exactly like cigarettes. 99 % of the time I am thinking rationally and can tell you that I don't like them. Not at all. They make me feel dirty, hurt and worse.

But every now and then, once in a blue moon, I get it into my head that maybe, just maybe, they are exactly what the Doctor ordered. And I go for it.

Now here is where we need to divide the metaphor.

With cigarettes, I get more and more in the mood the more I think about it. "Yah, I toooootally need a smoke." I might even plan my outfit accordingly. You know, something a smoker would wear. Like a crazy hat and jeans with holes. I go to the 7-Eleven and make my request like a regular, all non-chalant like. I do this all the time, my vibe indicates. And then. Reality wins again. About as soon as I light up I regret it and am immediately reminded that I actually hate smoking. I feel like I'm being asphyxiated by burnt deli meat, probably Hillshire Farms Oven Roasted Turkey. But you'd better believe I stick with it, smoke that cig right down to the filter, maybe out of stubborn resistance to being so uncool, maybe because I don't believe in wasting tobacco. Regardless, I push through against my better judgement only to wind up feeling worse after all is said and smoked.

With naps, same deal. I think about it all morning (while sitting in church, let's say...) and get pumped about my glorious naptime to come. In my mind, there is nothing that I need more, nothing that can stop me, and nothing more look-forwardable to. But lo and behold, as soon as I lay my head down, I realize "woah, this isn't gonna work". What do I do, though? I continue to toss and turn, somewhere in between sleep and awake, or, for the layman, in a place called pergatory. Awful. Just like a cigarette, I push through. I go ahead and lay there for a solid 2 or 3 hours, not really sleeping, usually sweating and always mad at myself. No question, the rest of the day is wasted, and I wander around just more tired than before and feeling like I've been slapped around with a greasy oven mitt.

There you have it. The perfect metaphor.

Don't You Like Bran Muffins?

A blast from the past- it just has to be resurrected! No random website gets quoted over brunch like this puppy does.

A special shout out to all the muffins who lost their lives in the creation of this website. Your dedication shows.

http://www.muffinfilms.com

I recommend this selecting 'Psssst' first.

KeeKaw Goes Kamping!

(And MeeMaw Tags Along)

What better way to celebrate the 4th of July than by getting back to nature? Well... after careful thought, I concluded that there is none.

So Katielamm and I headed for the woods of North Carolina and had our way with Mother Nature.

But before I write anything that would cause you to start giving me any credit, whatsoever, let me just breeze through a quick summary of KT's packing list vs. mine...

SOME THINGS KATIE BROUGHT:
tent
2 sleeping bags
silverware
foil
trash bag
air mattress
sharp knife
2 chairs
cooler
tablecloth
paper towels
lantern
pillow

ONLY CAMPING-RELATED ITEMS I BROUGHT:
nalgene full of Jim Beam
scissors

So a big shout-out and round of applause for my friend K-to-the-T, who not only managed to bring every thing necessary to enable us to survive in the woods, but who also had the wherewithall to turn 24 simultaneously.

Go Katie, go! You camp wit yo bad self!

From One To Three...

Yes folks, you heard right. My days as assistant administrative assistant are drawing to a close.

Why would I leave the delight of palm-pilot entries and fed-ex runs behind?
Why say 'no more; to tea time and crumpets? (no seriously, we had crumpets pretty regularly here, for a while)

Its simple, really.

After a near-death experience involving too much Mexican Food (shout out to El Paso Cafe, wherever you are!) and last years jeans, I decided that it was time to grab life by the horns. Life is simply too short to only work one job. Ya hur? Oh and also because salary is for sissies.

When you combine my future jobs, my work load (for anyone curious) will include, but not be limited to:

paper mache
speech therapy
filing insurance claims
mosaic picture frames
trampoline jumping
reading story books
weaving pot holders
answering phones
going to the park

As you can see, several people have taken notice of my genious and marketable skills and are really giving me some legit responsibility. I mean, a trampoline!

So since I am leaving this job, I leave you with a glimpse of my former "business card" (with the info blurred, of course) because sadly, I won't be needing it anymore. Enjoy:

Yah, thats a pink background.

Shania vs. The Nanny

1. They both have a knack for taking nauseating fashion risks.
2. Also take into account their similarly enormous masses of brown hair.
3. Factor in their far, far, far northern accents.

Coincidence? I don't belive in 'em.


Shania & Fran Drescher might actually be the same person. Think about it.

I'm scared.

Another thing that scares me: That I know how to spell Drescher.

PopoZao!

What would the music industry be without K-Fed?
Oh, right. A better place.



Did he just lip-sync to a baby seal at the beginning of the video?